Ok ladies, this is a tough love post. Get ready!
Absolutely every person in this world has moments of insecurity. Some have them more than others. As women, we battle insecurities often and can let them take a front seat in our lives. We’re all guilty of this and it’s time to stop.
I get it, you don’t have makeup on, you hate how you look in that bathing suit, you didn’t do your hair today, you didn’t even wash your hair today, it’s the time of the month and you’re breaking out, you hate how your legs look in those shorts, you have cellulite, you’re bloated, you haven’t worked out in a few weeks, your house is a mess….
I could go on and on right? These are all things women get insecure about and that is just the short list.
Stop telling me what you’re insecure about!
Before you start thinking I’m super insensitive and have zero compassion hear me out.
When we are grabbing coffee, or dinner, or when I’m coming over to visit you, or when I’m listening to you speak, when we are meeting for the first time, or when we are lounging at the pool or the beach, I’m doing so because I WANT to.
I admire you. You are my friend, you are my mentor, you are a woman I am learning from, you are a woman I look up to, you are someone I want to be around.
So please, for the love of all women, stop apologizing before we get to the good stuff.
“It’s so good to see you. I’m so sorry I look like this, I haven’t even washed my hair today.”
“Oh thank you so much, but actually I haven’t been to the gym in weeks!”
“You’ll have to excuse the mess, the kids have just been crazy today!”
“That skirt is so cute, I could never wear a skirt like that because I hate my legs.”
Sound familiar? I know. I’m guilty of it too sometimes, but we have to stop starting the conversation with those negative thoughts. The things we’re insecure about, are NOT the things anyone else is noticing or focusing on. But when we lead with the negative, we’re calling attention to them, and immediately overshadowing the positive.
Now I’m actually looking at your hair, and even though it looks fine, I’m looking to see if I can tell you haven’t washed it. Plus, I’m wondering why you haven’t washed it…is it because you’re lazy, is your life crazy, is there something you need to tell me, or is it because you actually don’t have to wash your hair as often as I do? Either way, now I’m distracted.
People don’t choose to be our friends because we have great hair, or because we look amazing all of the time. People don’t come over to hang out because our houses are spotless, and people certainly don’t love us because we have perfect bodies.
And if you think people do care about those things foremost…then there are only two scenarios.
- Those people are assholes and you shouldn’t care what they think and need to consider removing them from your life.
- You’re wrong, and actually insulting their character by thinking they care.
While we can’t just snap our fingers and get rid of our insecurities, we can choose to accept them and learn to live with them.
Embrace the fear, the vulnerability, and just be you. Work on breaking the habit of leading with those insecure thoughts.
Even if you do look semi-homeless because you haven’t showered in days, don’t let that overshadow how happy I am to see you, my friend. If your house actually looks like you were robbed, don’t let that take away from how delicious these glasses of wine taste. If you’re standing in front of me teaching me something, don’t let your imperfect legs steal from the wisdom you are putting into my soul.
Be you, even if that you is insecure. Remember people care about what’s inside, not all of that other hootenanny. So leave the negative self talk at home or under the rug.